September the 9th 2016

My dear dearest friends or good people from all over the world, please pray for me and for my mother. This masquerade is going down on a very dangerous slope. My mother will be taken at 3:30 AM on Monday by the Police car to another city Târgu Jiu where she was summoned to go to the Tribunal in a penal case with which she has no link whatsoever. It is hideous and monstrous. She is almost 69 years old. I hoped that they will change their minds in vain. She wrote there a letter explaining that there is no link between her and the accused in that case and they continued their plan and she is forced now to go there. Do you understand now?
This is the link for the tribunal case where she has to go, I don’t know why>

http://portal.just.ro/95/SitePages/Dosar.aspx?id_dosar=9500000000136769&id_inst=95#Părţi

Advertisements

8th of August 2016

My mother went today to the office where she had to find out why my free medical insurance was no more valid. She found that once I received a sum of money for publishing my poems. The sum of money was not big, yet they retired my card, although it was not a monthly income and it happened only once. I don’t understand – are they implying that handicapped people don’t have the right to write poems? My medical insurance is free of charge because I am a handicapped person (my handicap certificate is based on my motor handicap, the fact that my leg was amputated) with no money revenue – but what they did is not logical or legal in my opinion. What if I were to receive only once a donation for example? Or another thing like that?

It is illogical, because if I had to pay my medical insurance I would have been forced to pay it from my revenue — but I have no money revenue, so it would have been impossible. What does this mean? Are they condemning me to death only because I lost half of my left leg without guilt from my part? Ten years ago I was still able to do many jobs, but they rejected me. I have a psychiatric diagnostic since i was 21, but I was not insane (not guilty or evil at all, no psychological problems) and thus I have no rights to do work and no rights to have a pension. All they give for psychiatric patients is a small sum of money that would not have been enough for monthly food necessities, let alone paying the rent. And I rejected that money because years ago I still had hopes that they will accept me in the society as a normal and working individual. Although I rejected that small sum of money, my neighbors said to me that they believe that I have a pension, maybe they don’t know that psychiatric patients don’t have a pension if they were diagnosed in their youth, before completing a few working years. And for motor handicap the state gives only the money for food for 2 days.

And now they did this mistake, retiring my medical insurance only because it happened that I wrote poems! Thanks God that my mother went there and now they changed their minds saying that they will give me back my rights.

About suicide

I just found that haiku author, Jane Reichhold has committed suicide and, reading her obituary, I couldn’t abstain of telling the truth, in the following lines:
Hearing about Jane Reichhold suicide, I can say that I am in complete consternation, and one reason is the fact that this revered author joined facebook not too long ago and she kindly asked for my friendship and I accepted then she kindly appreciated some of my haiku in the beginning of our virtual friendship. Even if other friends of mine did not do that.
It does not matter what her origin was and it does not matter what her name meant. I am a marginalized person, I am considered insane only because I was from a very poor family and environment and Jane Reichhold was a lady from the upper intellectual elite compared to me. But this time, because I read Hansha Teki’s obituary, I cannot abstain from telling the truth. I beg your pardon, but Hansha is not right and I think that Jane Reichhold and maybe many others too don’t deserve to be scapegoats after their deaths. I am alone and considered insane, so my true conclusions about life don’t hurt no one. I will focus upon the illogical accusations brought to light by Hansha Teki, whom I admire and respect otherwise.
Hansha Teki accuses Jane that she took her own life dealing with extreme physical and mental pain. But we, humble mortals are not allowed to condemn or punish the sinners, because God only knows and can do this. Maybe Jane Reichhold knew that. Maybe beyond the accusation of being too weak in front of pain, lies something else. And what I know for sure is that a suicide is a murder. Maybe she found that by dying she avoids something worse, not for herself, but for others. Maybe she knew for certain that thing, maybe her knowledge about the world was at the highest level possible.
Another thing that I know for certain from my own experience is that suicidal persons are subsequently scapegoats and sinners for the rest of the world. But I also know that everything is in God’s hands and, if someone finally commits suicide, it means that it was God’s will to shake off the tree of life. But nowadays Inquisition, with the need to preserve a corrupt and inhumane power and unfair prejudices and lies, they put the blame on the suicide, as if the victim of suicide was against God, as if that person is a kind of devil or tempted by the devil to renounce and resign life against God’s will. Maybe the truth is the opposite, because I am certain that a person like Jane Reichhold was, can’t be a weak person facing suffering and couldn’t possibly have been considered herself to be wiser that God or hateful against God’s will. I think that Jane was humble and respectful towards all living beings and towards the system man-earth-universe like many other suicides are. I also refer to the lives of the saints who are really considered saints after committing suicide in order to preserve their faith and their purity.
I think that a person like Jane Reichhold could not be egoistical and that facing death no intellectual with higher education can be an egoist. All of them think about higher reasons than the reason of their lives and they die only if God wants their death to be a suicide. I tried to die many years ago, but God saved me after a near-death experience (clinical death maybe or something else) because it was not yet my time to die back then. Suicide is a part of a harmonious system of life, alike the rain or the snow, etc.
I told again the truth because I am nothing else and it was not my duty to create lies or to strengthen the prejudices of foolish people. Maybe she sacrificed her life in the name of being alive with the joy to care and to respect people and good things.

Of course, life is not a commodity, I agree about that, and I don’t speak against you – but maybe this was her own conclusion too before dying, among other things. Now I tell about myself because I had to face these days the illness of my mother, who is my only relationship in this world. I am tired to answer you in a complex manner, but I repeat that it seems that you accuse Jane Reichhold, even in the words you wrote in this comment above, while in fact it is true that for the innocent ones her guilt is not visible or certain. One cannot tell for sure, and we cannot accuse all suicidal people in this world of crimes against our common home, a home that anyway will be deserted or replaced someday. And there may be exceptions from the general rule. You seemed to write that she was wrong, as if you knew exactly what were her reasons or goals by committing suicide. You used the circumstance of her death in order to express your opinions about suicide as a human sin. Anyway, maybe Jane Reichhold died for the same reasons/goals. I quote here Kant, with his well-known ethical theory:
“Every man is to be respected as an absolute end in himself; and it is a crime against the dignity that belongs to him as a human being, to use him as a mere means for some external purpose.”

Maybe you are right and I am sorry indeed that you had to go through such hell or that you had to play the role of a scavenger besides others…and yes it is right that only few people “succeed” to commit suicide, and the main reason is that they are not allowed to do that , that means that God does not want that. Maybe I am too fatalist compared to you, but I apologize again if I offended you. BTW hallucinatory schizophrenia is only a myth and we both know that. I had this diagnostic and I never did something wrong and I was only purity and goodness all my life for almost half a century. I am only a humble and inferior human being, and I don’t pretend to be someone else.

I totally agree with you, for example when I had my suicide attempt I believed that by doing this I can avoid becoming an instrument in the hands of evil people because I had a terrible headache for a long time. I tried to avoid becoming ”one of them”, I mean becoming someone who speaks and behaves in an evil manner towards innocent and intelligent people, because others were like this towards me and I could not understand why and how. The most important thing is that a human being should listen to a moral law and he should abstain from uttering harsh words or from doing what he does not know for certain if it is good or bad. You are absolutely right about that — for example what I know now couldn’t be guessed by my younger self.

Moreover, very few people rise above or fall under the survival instinct and in fact this instinct to be alive is a good thing for mere mortals, and it is still a basic part of the architecture of that common home.

and on a higher level, because everything is connected to everything, like in Sting’s song – I’m so happy I can’t stop crying – I can say that life is the only reality that we know, thus only a fool could want to destroy the world or the universe, because this wonder of existence is all that we know for sure, apart from death. Every time that I was close to suicide because of pain and many other misfortunes, I asked myself – can my suicide hurt others? or can my death be helpful to others ?- and then I restarted to live as a leaf in the wind, gracefully and believing in a harmonious whole of existence. That’s why I wrote that maybe Jane Reichhold was right, maybe she hurt no one.

Wise people don’t commit suicide in order to harm others – because wisdom means goodness and they cannot predict with precision if their death harms the evil ones or the good ones, or the constitution of living beings because anyway the world goes round, and they don’t commit suicide in order to help the good ones, if they don’t know for certain, I repeat, for certain, that their suicide is beneficial. And about very wise people I can say nothing because I am not one of them, I believe that was and I am simply wise and not very wise.

ABUSE

For God’s sake, pray to God for my mother or help her, she feels increasingly worse and without her I shall remain without health insurance and if they fuck me like they did yesterday and so many times I die if I don’t have psychiatric drugs and only my mother can bring them to me and of course I care for her – and the doctors said that I was removed from the list of patients with free medical insurance and my mother promised me that she will fight for my rights and she will go somewhere for that. For God’s sake, they even put false documents in my house in my drawers, I discovered forgeries in my drawers, IT IS TRUE, they have changed even my personal code in some official papers, it’s true. If I remain uninsured they will kill me … I was good, not evil, and my mother the same, and some people come over me with the thought that they no longer need me, and my mother said she no longer spoke with her cousin who lives in a neighboring locality. He has not even called her brother yet. Mother is less than 69 years old, and I am less than 46. For God’s sake, I don’t even have someone for exchanging two words with him/her on the phone. I have no one and I was pure goodness, HELP ME! They say that my people swore revenge to me though i was pure goodness and calm and that they believe that I was or that I am insane, evil and stupid! IT IS NOT TRUE WHAT THEY SAY. ONLY WHAT i SAY IS THE TRUTH ABOUT ME. FOR GOD’S SAKE, WHY THERE IS NO HUMANITY IN THIS WORLD?? why don’t you understand? IT IS A MONSTROUS ABUSE AND MURDER, PLEASE HELP