poison alway does

For so many years the headaches from my neighbors’ poison…I will tell the truth again: I did nothing wrong, my life and my character were perfect. I was continuously tortured since 1984 when I was 13. In my first years in this city, Bucharest, I was not poisoned. Since the years 2000 – poisoned exactly the way I already told. I could not finish the story of my imprisoned and tortured life and probably they won’t let me do this. After my father’s death it was worse and my mother too was worse towards me. I was always gentle and kind and I did nothing wrong and I don’t have sins. Since 2006, after moving in my own apartment, I noticed that my neighbors above let flowing some kind of gas – by the noise they do in my bathroom, a noise that isn’t water flow for certain sometimes – for hours at night or day, they have different kinds of such noises. I did not believe that it was poison just because I met once in the psychiatric hospital a woman who was imprisoned there and forced to tell the truth that she was poisoned with gas by her neighbors. But I did not question her sanity back then , I never made mistakes of any kind my whole life, like I told you. In my first years I did not believe that I was poisoned. Anyway, my smell was accommodated and I could not make the difference. I was not aloud to cover the hole towards the common bathroom “chimney”, though I asked for this and the neighbor below me, who tortures me with politics on TV, took care with another neighbor – a house painter – that my hole was left open in spite of me paying money and asking for letting it covered. Nevertheless my neighbor below has that opening closed in her apartment. I did not believe though it was a very strange noise. I went to my mother’s place where the air is ok and only in the past 2 years I recovered my smell and I observed that the air in my apartment is horrible! Indeed horrible. I could not have stayed with my mother because of her, not only because she harasses me. I repeat the air is horrible to breathe and it is for certain the cause of many nausea feelings and headaches and circulatory troubles. And peripheral neuropathy, etc. Of course I cannot blame the neighbors above for sure. Anyway in the past years they took my things and photos and tortured me with noises continuously and put dirt in my rooms and greasiness on my doors inside and false official acts in my drawers. Anyway none of them respects me and today a beggar, who apparently owns more money than me, mocked me with coarse appellation and said that I promised him 2 lei, which fact is not true. In all these years since 2006 my neighbors did not get older and their kids are not looking as if they were 16-17, but the same as in the beginning. And outdoors the neighborhood is wild each time I go out – thousands of cars and people staring and mocking me and below my apartments since March until November they come here and yell vulgar words every year, etc.

As for my suicide – forget it…months ago I realized that i won’t do this, my life was perfect, I cannot do this. My respect for goodness and beauty was immense all my life. Though you all deserted me and left me alone and totally isolated for so many years, without the slightest guilt or insanity from my part (I still can tell and I still remember everything). No one wants me and everyone pushed me to commit suicide. I am not Narcissus to commit suicide eventually and I am not Oedipus to destroy my sight (that is illusory like any other human sense) and I am not Socrates to commit ritual suicide (because that was not trial or condemnation of philosophy as a matter of fact) . I might have been all of them because others or the circumstances prearranged all of these….I was all of them but none. I deeply think that life is something very good and beautiful and necessary and my respect stayed the same through the years and whenever I was pushed to the limit I asked myself the same question — do I hurt life or existence of things by killing myself? I will not commit suicide — first of all in order to protect whatever may be connected with the link between my body and my spirit or with the dissolution of this link — if that will happen sometime because of the necessity of the whole. If I were someone else (it does not matter whom) I would not have killed a woman like I am and like I always was. Paradoxically, my too deep maternal instinct — the cause of my brightest happiness and of my deepest pain — demands me to avoid by all means committing suicide. (It is true that I disliked being poisoned — and that was true, or tortured by any means, and I disliked the stealing of my humble belongings (old or new)….but this will pass…someday).

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January the 2nd, 2016

another small tragedy happened in my life today. And like I said everything started in 1984, and although I was a perfectly good and valuable individual they tortured me day after day. I already told on facebook that they stole my medical prescription for Milgamma from my house a few days ago, a drug that my doctor prescribed for my peripheral neuropathy that was indeed horrible. Thanks God that the pharmacist gave it to me over the counter. Then I managed to buy cheaper my other prescription that was partly covered by my medical insurance. Among the drugs that I bought it was also Movalis, a drug intended to reduce the severe pain that I feel at night or after physical effort, even after walking, in my back spine. The doctor prescribed me one each day for 20 days. Today I found that 10 pills are missing from the little box And I don’t have money to buy others, I cannot afford, and I don’t even know if they will give me that without prescription This was the 3rd day that I took it. I still have 7 left, but I know that I needed 20…to feel a little relief. Can you explain me why such cruelty? They did this on and ond every day since the autumn of 1984. Don’t you see the truth? I never did something wrong and every day was the same and I never changed, I stayed the same, I loved and respected everyone and look what they did …

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4 o’clock in the afternoon. Some pigs in Romanian entered again my mind saying (again) that “doesn’t she understand that she must die because for us it is a shame to tell the truth?”
They are monsters and I wish with all my heart that they go to hell and be punished 90 years not 45 like they tortured me! My life was indeed perfection, I did nothing wrong, I offered them forgiveness and beautiful thoughts and feelings and it was in vain for 31 years and a half. And now they repeat that I must understand that I have to die for their sins. They are not humans , they are pigs. For so many years I did not know what they were thinking and I believe in goodness and the power of good and righteousness and it was in vain.